As much as I love autumn, autumn makes me sad. All the trees' babies are dying, they are all dropping, they are all leaving the trees naked and alone, and everything with colour is fading. I love the atmosphere in this time a year, because it is the perfect weather, and it still rains, and the sky is grey; but it is still a quite sad season, and it makes me want to hug all the trees because they look so miserable. I shouldn't love autumn at all.

I am becoming the library girl. I am there all day; people come ang go, and I am always there at the back in the right corner, at the same wooden desk, reading the same book, beside the same books about painting and gardening and "with the same look on your face." The poking guy says I have sad eyes. He smiles at me now, and wants me and his friend Caroline to talk about our pretty name. He has a really pretty face, and makes me smile. He says he likes to see my smile. And I don't even know his name.

I have to go to my dad's very quite soon, I have to get ready, I have to have a cup of tea to keep myself from stressing too much, from crying, from trembling, from fainting. I hope a small cup of tea can have that much power over me. If I am still crying when he comes, I could hide in my closet, or in the drying machine, or somewhere he won't ever find me. He is probably going to look older. Everytime I see him after one month or two, he always looks older. He has grey hair now, and is fattening up. He says he is too skinny, which was true, but now he is eating so much prepared meals that you buy in the refrigerators at the supermarkets, that he should now try to lose weight, but he still thinks he is too skinny. I hope he won't get too fat, because if he gets old and fat and even scarier and scarier, he can be sure he will never see me again. He will never have someone to put all his anger on, to be ashamed of, because that is all I am for him, a shame.

If I don't post later, I wish you all to have a nice weekend;

Caroline. <3